Swipe Right on Your Therapist: How To Find Your Match

Finding a therapist that you connect with is a lot like dating— except instead of romantic chemistry, you’re looking for professional chemistry (think: someone who won’t judge you for crying over your toxic ex from three years ago).

The right therapist (not just any therapist) can make all the difference in your wellness journey, but just like in relationships, compatibility is key. In fact, the “therapeutic relationship”, not the type of therapy, it is the single best predictor of your improvement over time.

So, how do you find ‘The One’— the therapist who makes you feel seen and heard, provides great treatment, and is someone you’ll actually want to see on a regular basis? Let’s get into it!

Before you start searching, take time to reflect on what you’re looking for in therapy. For example, are you needing help with anxiety, relationship issues, depression, or just needing someone to help you navigate current world events?

Different therapists have different specialties, so having background knowledge on some different types of therapy will help you narrow your search. Here is a “TL;DR” summary of some popular therapy types:

• CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): Many therapists are highly experienced providing CBT, which is great because this treatment is well-suited for basically anyone. Great for understanding (and ultimately improving) how thoughts, emotions, and behaviors all interact to influence our mental health.

• DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy): Great to help with emotional regulation and tolerating distress, particularly those with Borderline Personality Disorder. Fun fact—DBT is actually a type of CBT.

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): A powerhouse technique to help with trauma (which, by the way, does not have to be formally diagnosed to benefit from EMDR).

• Psychoanalysis: Great for those ready to do a deep dive into their childhood.

Beyond a therapist’s credentials and treatment style, personal style matters too. Do you prefer someone warm and nurturing? Direct and no-nonsense? Do you want homework between sessions, or do you just need a safe space to vent? Knowing your preferences up front can save you from frustration down the line.

Now that you know what you need, it’s time to start looking. Here’s where to begin:

• Word-of-Mouth/Grapevine: You can’t beat recommendations from friends, family, and others you trust, especially if they had a direct positive experience with the therapist. Don’t be shy, ask around!

• Online Directories: Online directories are a great place to browse therapist profiles (not unlike a dating site) to see if their personality and technique may be a good fit. Psychology Today seems to have the most diverse range of therapists to choose from.

• Community Resources: If you’re on a budget, look into local community health clinics, health departments, and university/training counseling centers.  There’s also a group called the Open Path Collective which prioritizes making therapy affordable.

• Insurance Listings: If you’re using insurance, check their directory for an approved provider, or call the number on the back of your card to speak with someone about which therapists are in your network.

Your first session isn’t just for them to assess you—it’s also your chance to interview them. Therapists welcome questions like:

• “How do you approach treatment?”
• “What’s your experience with clients [like me]?”
• “How do you handle tough conversations?”

Really listen to how they respond. Do they make you feel comfortable? Do they explain things clearly?

• They minimize (or worse, dismiss) your concerns or seem uninterested.
• They are not strong boundary setters (think: oversharing about their own life).
• You feel judged or criticized after your first session.

Sometimes therapy isn’t love at first sight. It can take a few sessions to build trust and see if it’s a good fit. That said, here are some signs it may be time to move on:

• You don’t feel seen, heard, or understood.
• You’re not making progress or feel like you’ve plateaued.
• Your therapist is often late, distracted, or unprofessional.

Go with your gut—if something about the connection feels off, it likely is. Finding the right therapist is a process, and your mental health deserves the best fit.

Just like with any habit, mental health progress comes from consistency. The right therapist isn’t supposed to ‘fix’ you overnight, but they will give you the tools and support to heal and grow.

And if you ever need to switch therapists? That’s okay too—your mental health journey is yours.